


Heavy.

by SxDxB



Category: Cobra Kai (Web Series)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Health Issues, past self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-18 15:07:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29611248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SxDxB/pseuds/SxDxB
Summary: There had been a question on Miguel's mind, one he didn't know to ask, one he was afraid to ask because he knew this wasn't anything to be taken lightly. Knowing Robby's history and how difficult his life had been up until now? Miguel knew there were things that Robby struggled with. Miguel was there for him anytime Robby wanted to talk, didn't matter the time or the content of the conversation. Miguel would be there.
Relationships: Kiaz, Miguel Diaz/Robby Keene
Comments: 2
Kudos: 54





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Trigger Warning: mentions of past self harm.**  
> Leave me some love!  
> Comments & Kudos are appreciated.

There had been a question on Miguel's mind, one he didn't know how to ask, one he was afraid to ask because he knew this wasn't anything to be taken lightly. Knowing Robby's history and how difficult his life had been up until now? Miguel knew there were things that Robby struggled with. Miguel was there for him anytime Robby wanted to talk, didn't matter the time or the content of the conversation. Miguel would be there. 

They were laying in Miguel's bed, naked and vulnerable after they made love. The only sounds throughout the room was their breathing and the rain falling outside. Miguel had his head on Robby's chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart while Robby drew random shapes on Miguel's back. Miguel was nervous to bring this _up, but_ he knew it was important and while he wouldn't pry, it was good to open the door for this conversation, for when Robby was ready to talk about it.

"Robby, can I ask you a question?" Miguel asked softly.

"You just did." Robby smiled.

Miguel rolled his eyes with a small smile, he gently smacked his side. "Smartass."

Robby chuckled. "Alright, alright. I'm sorry." He shifted a bit causing Miguel to also shift a little. "Shoot."

Miguel bit his lower lip, there was no gentle way to go about asking this so he just had to go for it. "What happened to your arm?" 

Miguel could feel Robby tense up a little at the question and he didn't dare move, he stayed still and stayed quiet, listening to Robby's heart beat. Sometimes Robby completely forgot about the scars he left behind. Right now there was no one Robby trusted more than Miguel and while this was a difficult conversation to have, this was a safe space with Miguel. 

When Robby didn't say anything Miguel decided to break the silence. "It's okay if you're not ready to talk about it, I , I just want you to know that I'm here for you. No matter what happened, I'm not going to judge you, I'm not going to push for anything... Just wanted you to know that, if you want to talk, I'll listen." Miguel said softly. With a feather light touch Miguel's fingers trailed across Robby's side slowly, he wouldn't push for any information if Robby wasn't ready to say anything, that was okay. They could lay in silence. 

They did lay in silence for a while and that was okay, Miguel just wanted Robby to know he was there and it was okay. Miguel pressed a kiss to Robby's chest, Robby's hand slowly started to rub Miguel's back again. Robby remembered how he got that scar and then he remembered why and while it was a dark part of his life that he didn't like thinking about, he knew if he shut Miguel out, it wouldn't be good. Not because Miguel would do or say anything to hurt him, but because holding all this crap in? Keeping this to himself? It wasn't healthy. The one person he opened himself up to had been Miguel and if he reverted to his old ways, if he pushed Miguel away and told him to fuck off... Robby would be hurting himself in the long run.

Robby cleared his throat after a moment. "I, Um, well.." Robby began as he thought of how he wanted to word things. "I was in a really dark place about a year and a half ago." 

Miguel drew little patterns on Robby's side as he listened intently. 

"I've never really felt wanted, I always felt like I was some burden. I mean, my mom bailed on me a lot... Johnny was.." Robby shrugged. "I guess probably here, wasted." he paused in thought. "At some point I started to feel this numbness... I just..."Robby carded his fingers through his hair. "Feeling anger was one thing, feeling sad was another, but when I stopped feeling anything? It was worse." Robby said slowly as he thought everything through. "I wanted to feel something, anything at all." Robby's gaze was set on the ceiling of the darkened bedroom. "I thought that maybe if I... If I hurt myself, I'd feel something again." Robby explained. "Maybe for a minute I did feel something." he furrowed his brow. 

Miguel knew this wouldn't be easy to listen to but he was happy that Robby felt comfortable enough to open up to him. It pained him to hear about Robby's experience, to hear what he was thinking and how he was feeling. Miguel was someone who cared deeply about others and sometimes it was like he could feel their pain as his own. All he wanted to do was take that pain away and make everything all better. 

"Then part of me wondered what would happen if I just put an end to all." Robby admitted. "Would my mom even notice? would Johnny even care? Would anyone?" Robby ran his fingers through his hair again, tugging gently on the brown strands. 

Miguel frowned and he closed his eyes trying to hold back his emotions. 

"I thought about it, ya know?" Robby said slowly.

Miguel furrowed his brow. 

"Everything was just so bad, it was like I couldn't catch a break... It felt like I was drowning and there was no way out, no one to help... I thought it'd be so easy to just... end it." 

Miguel couldn't keep tears from falling and he could hear it in the way Robby spoke, he could hear the shakiness in his tone, this was difficult for Robby to talk about and Miguel was so proud of him for opening up. 

"I thought nobody cared about me, or nobody cared enough to show up for me... so why should I care? Why should I care about what happens to me?" Robby paused in thought. "I don't know what changed exactly, but after I did this.." Robby showed Miguel the scar on his arm. "After I did it the second time, I , I dunno.." 

Miguel pressed a kiss to Robby's scar before sitting up slowly, he looked down at Robby searching his face noticing the tears he reached out and brushed those stray tears away. 

"Something changed, maybe it was me... I don't know." Robby looked at Miguel. 

Miguel waited until he was done talking and he cupped those tear stained cheeks, he kissed Robby deeply, he wanted him to feel just how much he was loved. How much he was wanted. When Miguel pulled away from the kiss, Miguel locked eyes with Robby and when he spoke, it was softly. "I want you to know that my life is so much better with you in it." Miguel nuzzled his nose. "You don't realize it, but, you've got the biggest heart of anyone I know. You're the most caring person I've ever met." Miguel brushed Robby's bangs back. "You're so special to me and I don't know what changed you either... But I'm glad it did." 

Robby nodded as he reached up to cup Miguel's cheek. "Me too." he gently pulled Miguel into a kiss. "You're special to me too." he whispered.

Miguel hugged Robby tightly, snuggling up to him easily.

Robby had to admit that opening up about his past struggles, felt good, he felt like Miguel understood and he knew that Miguel cared about him. A year and a half ago seemed like so much longer now. Robby was in a better place, things were getting better. Slowly but surely. Seeing what he had now? What he could have missed out on had he gone through with ending it... He was happy he decided to stay. 


	2. Mental Scars.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There would always be a fear of being judged, of not being understood, of the other person not listening to understand but only listening to respond. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable and open? That was one of the bravest things you could do. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me some love!  
> Comments and Kudos are always appreciated

While getting Robby to open up was important, Robby was starting to feel like maybe there was something Miguel wasn't telling him. Robby spent a lot of time with his boyfriend, he was noticing things, differences in Miguel and he wanted to ask about it, but he hadn't found the right time. Robby noticed that Miguel had more trouble sleeping recently, he seemed restless and he hadn't been eating too much. It was worrying Robby. Today, today would be the day that Robby brought up his concerns. 

Sitting at the table, Miguel was bouncing his leg without even thinking about it. After his conversation with Robby it felt right to open up and be just a vulnerable as Robby had been that night. Robby was his partner, his boyfriend, the one person in the world he was most comfortable with. If he couldn't share this with him? _Who_ could he share it with? Miguel had his elbows resting on the table, his fingers locked together as he rested his chin against them, he had been thinking about this all day. Robby walked into the apartment, seeing Miguel he smiled as he closed the door, walking further into the apartment. Robby walked over to him. 

"Hey Migs, Can we tal-" Robby paused.

Miguel was pulled from his thoughts by that and it took Robby only a minute to realize something was off with his boyfriend.

"Miggy, are you okay?" concern etched it's way onto Robby's features. " Did something happen?" he asked as he sat down beside Miguel.

Miguel shook his head slowly before tearing his gaze from the table, he looked at Robby for a moment. "I wanted to talk to you about something.." Miguel said after he cleared his throat, lowering his hands to the table. 

Robby nodded and reached over to grab one of Miguel's hands. "You can talk to me about anything." 

Miguel nodded slowly, he knew this, they both told each other that all the time. Actually bringing up the conversations they wanted to have though? That was scarier. There would always be a fear of being judged, of not being understood, of the other person not _listening_ to _understand_ but only _listening_ to _respond_. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable and open? That was one of the bravest things you could do. 

Taking in a deep breath Miguel gently squeezed Robby's hand. "The other night, we talked about your physical scars.." Miguel said softly, there wasn't a hint of judgement there. "I wanted to talk to you about my mental scars.." Miguel began. 

Robby furrowed his brow as he kept his gaze on Miguel, his head tilted as he slid his hand into Miguel's, interlocking their fingers. "Okay." Robby nodded. "I'm listening." he said softly. 

"I've been struggling a lot recently.." Miguel began as he looked down at their hands. "With everything that's going on, I just, I feel like.." 

Robby listened intently, he was patient, his other hand went to Miguel's back and he began to rub his back. "S'okay Miggy, take your time." 

Miguel closed his eyes for a moment. "Lately my anxiety's been through the roof." Miguel admitted. "I thought that I could handle it better... But, I-I just feel like the walls are closing in on me and I feel like it's harder to breath." 

The first thing that came to Robby's mind was anxiety, he understood that to a certain degree. Robby rubbed soothing circles on Miguel's back and gently squeezed his hand. "You ever feel like everything's out of your control? Like no matter what you try to do, you just can't control it no matter how much you try.." Robby arched a brow at him. 

Miguel opened his eyes and he looked toward Robby. "H-how did you know that?" 

Robby bit his lower lip. "Because, I've been there." He admitted. 

Brown hues locked with green ones, Miguel spoke again. 

"I've been having trouble sleeping." Miguel admitted. 

Robby nodded. "I've noticed." He said softly. "I didn't want to pry though.." 

"Robs.. I just feel like everything's my fault.." Miguel began. "The dojo being taken over, the school fight... Everything.." Miguel paused. 

Robby shook his head. "It's not your fault." Robby moved a little closer. "The dojo's not your fault, the school fight was all of our faults..It's not just on you." Robby paused. "Listen to me." 

Miguel glanced down and frowned, his anxiety was on overdrive and try as he might to hold it all back, he couldn't. "It's so stupid.. But I just.. I've been feeling so fuckin' alone in this." 

"Hey.. Hey.." Robby cupped his cheeks and immediately started to wipe away those tears. "Miguel.." 

Seeing Miguel break down hurt Robby, there's nothing he wouldn't do to take away that pain. 

"Miggy."Robby said softly. "I know everything feels like a lot right now, we're in the thick of it. I get it. But don't you dare blame yourself for this." Robby had to do his best to keep himself composed. "You're not alone.. You don't have to go through this alone." Robby knew words wouldn't always fix things. "Listen to me." Robby was so gentle with Miguel, with the way he touched him, the way he spoke to him. 

"I'm sorry.." Miguel said through his tears. "I know, that's not fair. I know you're right here.." 

Robby shook his head. "Miguel." Robby brushed away those tears. "Baby.." 

Miguel looked at him.

"I understand." Robby leaned forward to rest his forehead against Miguel's, he closed his eyes. "We are going to get through this okay?" 

Miguel closed his eyes as Robby rested forehead against his own, Robby knew what to say, he knew how to bring Miguel down from this.... panic attack... 

"I feel like such an asshole.." 

Robby wrapped his arms around Miguel, hugging him tightly. "You're not an asshole." Robby said softly. "I want you to know that I'm not gong anywhere.." Robby assured him. "We're going to get through this." 

Miguel wrapped his arms around Robby and hugged him back. 

"We're gonna do it together, anxiety isn't an easy thing to deal with. I know how it can consume you... I know how it fucks with your head and I understand... " Robby pulled back just a little to cup that face. " I understand how you can feel alone.. You're not an asshole for feeling these things, for anxiety..." Robby shook his head. "I know you feel like you have to handle everything on your own Miggy, but you don't. Do you hear me?" 

Miguel nodded as he looked up at Robby, he was listening to every word. 

"We got this." Robby said as he met those brown hues. "You got this." 

Miguel tried to blink away some tears but Robby ended up having to wipe them away. 

"You got this Diaz and I'm gonna be here every step of the way." Robby promised.

"I love you." Robby searched Miguel's features as he let the L word slip. 

Miguel stared at him for a moment before cracking a smile, he reached up and pulled Robby into a deep kiss. 

"And I love you too." Miguel whispered.   
  
They didn't drop the L word often, but it was always special when they did. 

Opening up to Robby about his struggle with anxiety, it opened the door for Robby to be honest about his own struggle with anxiety. The way anxiety affected the two of them, was different. As was the case for how it affected other people. But being in the company of someone who understood the struggle, it made things easier and it made Miguel feel less alone. Robby told him that they would get through this together and Miguel believed him. Robby was his rock and Miguel was Robby's. 

There was a new level of openness, of trust and vulnerability that they had opened up by talking about this difficult topics. 


End file.
